Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
