even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
