i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
