I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
