We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
