I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
