the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
