I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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