We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
