my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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