12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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