I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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