ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
