Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
