2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
