My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
