i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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