i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
