I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
