Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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