Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
