Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
