How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
