the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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