Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
