Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
