Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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