i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
