By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
