remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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