I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
