So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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