he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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