I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
