I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
