My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
