well most of my day revolves around power hour
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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