My hand turned me down
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
