i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
