It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
