I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
