I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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