I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
