note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
