I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
