fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
