i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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