also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And then he peed in my hair
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