You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
