Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
