So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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