I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
