Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
