This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
