Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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