Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
