i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
