I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize