All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
