If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
