Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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