He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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