mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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