And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
