remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize