hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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