idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
