remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
