I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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