I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
