Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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