I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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