Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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