That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
