i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
